We are granted free-will but few are the choices we are given. I pondered on that thought for a while with a little sense of pity for my tiny brain’s inability to grasp the wisdom of God behind it. I compared the things that my choices can affect and the choices that God already made for me.
Like how God chose the family I was born into but I get to choose what kind of child or sibling I would like to be. God chose my physical appearance but I get to choose what kind of person I become. God chose the child I will be given but I get to choose what kind of parent I would be. I’ve been given gifts that my free-will does not encompass. Contemplating on that helped me understand how free-will and freedom are two entirely different things yet totally complementary.
Why did God design it that way? I used to think it’s because life is really short that God spared me from the irrelevant to allow me to focus my limited time on the essential. I don’t think that anymore. I now, in my heart of hearts, truly believe that God, my Teacher, wants me to learn something valuable from those gifts that He chose to give me. He is training me to receive.
There are things I get to freely choose whether to accept or not, and then there are things I humbly receive. God, from my birth, has been training me to receive. Not to argue whether or not I need it or deserve it or like it, but to humbly receive simply because He who is giving it loves me greatly. He trained me because He didn’t want me to just “try”. He wants me trained and prepared to receive even when my heart exclaims ‘Lord, I am not worthy to receive you…’
He paid for my sins and freed me and trained me to receive. He tells me “take this, this is given up for you, this is poured out for you”. The more I think about it the more it becomes obvious to me that it is freedom that allows me to exercise my will. When I lose my freedom to the bondages of sins, He says “come to me” and He restores it. How could I not yearn to humbly receive His all that He desires so much to give out of perfect love for me? How can I not want Him?