When my emotionally shattered friend confided in me once more and exclaimed with tears “I can’t take it anymore” I was thinking to myself “why should you have to take it in the first place?”
I was trying to make my friend understand that an offense could only be a mistake once and that when it is repeated, it is no longer a mistake it’s already a decision. A person deciding to hurt us with the same offense over and over again is not making a conscious choice to love us. When there is no love being given then there should be nothing to take.
From my Mom I’ve learned that Jesus did say to love your enemy, but He didn’t say to keep being a victim over and over again. A person who cannot make a conscious choice to love needs to heal first, otherwise they will just cause brokenness in others. If we still choose to stay with such a person then we must not demand from him that which he cannot give. Otherwise, we merely cause even more brokenness.
On the other side of the coin – we suffer when we think that everything is someone else’s fault. If we are going to be truthful to ourselves then we will admit that we did not get hurt without our consent. Somehow we brought ourselves where we are, letting that person in our life. We made the choice, thereby, making us responsible to some degree. Regrettably, there might be a need to heal apart from each other; for it is only when one finds peace within oneself that one becomes the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
We probably could relate to having tried to play doctor love once in our lives. We learned the hard way the truth that we cannot fix broken hearts, especially not memories of brokenness, not of others, not even our own. But the good news is we are all under lifetime warranty, which means we can surrender to the Maker if we want to, when we want to, if we choose to be restored.
We cannot always play the victim card. Our free-will comes with being human. We are free to get love right just as we are free to get it wrong. Nonetheless, we have a healer in the Maker. And from the very beginning of time He had us designed to be mendable. WE ARE NOT MEANT TO STAY WOUNDED!